Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And then he peed in my hair
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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