I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
