As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
