I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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