i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
