ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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