maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
