he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
