Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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