This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
smell my finger.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
