I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
