That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
