So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize