omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
