I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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