I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
