but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
