the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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