Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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