we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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