I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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