I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
