i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's just like the Real World with babies
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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