Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
