I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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