This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
