i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
