i permit you to call me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
