I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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