I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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