how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize