just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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