Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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