all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
