Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
