No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
