my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
