I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
