she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
