I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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