my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
