why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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