Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
