i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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