He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
