i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
