If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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