Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
