She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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