So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
