One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
