Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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