you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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