24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
