Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
