i think my tv is drunk
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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