that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize