I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize