she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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