That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
its liver damage thursday
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
