Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
