I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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