party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
