Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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